Maddening

   I told Cappy, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it anymore; he drives me crazy". 

    I know a lot of people love John Madden, Cappy being one of them. It was rough enough suffering through years of Howard Cosell. That guy would get on my nerves as a sports broadcaster. If somebody on the field made a mistake early on in a game, he'd excoriate them saying something like,"That guy is a bum, he'll never go anywhere in this field of sports", then later on in the game when things had turned around for that particular player, Cosell, would 'swagger' something like, "I told you all along this guy was one great player, he's really going to go far in his career as a football player; remember, you heard it here first". Still, I was sad to see ol' Howard go; you know how it is. Although he aggravated me, others loved him, and he was a part of the 'watching sports experience' for years and years.

   Then it became John Madden's turn 'at bat', so to speak. Well, as I said, the guy just drives me nuts. He's a likeable ol' fella, but when I'm in the big fat old middle of an intense game, I get so angry when he's busily showing replays and drawing all over the board, when in the background the tv viewers can hear the roar of the crowd in the stadium because another play is going on...but we can't see it...nooooo...we are watching John draw X's and O's and lines all over the screen.

   Well, I love watching football games with Cappy because it's just a lot of fun, being on the same side, most every time, curled up together, snacking on good stuff, shouting for our team, or gnashing our teeth when they mess up. 

   When he's out on the boat, and too far out of range for television reception, it's okay if he's still in range to pick up a good radio reception. When he can get neither, it's rough for him. At those times he's asked me to turn it up a little so maybe he can hear it over the phone, but that usually doesn't work either. So I usually used to just tell him, disdainfully, some of the stuff John was dispensing, as part of his expertise as a broadcast analyst. Stuff, like, "Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than anybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field". I guess that would stand to reason...and so does, "Here's a guy, when he runs, he moves faster". I know I'm blonde and all, and not familiar with all the nuances of the game, but at least this next one, I, too, have to agree with, "To get more yards, it's best to move the ball from the line of scrimmage down the field".

   But,I got so I just couldn't take it anymore, nice guy that he is.

   Now just put yourself in poor Cappy's shoes, tho. He's in a blackout area, and really, REALLY wants to hear how the New Orleans Saints are doing. They've gotten pretty darned good in the last few years, so we are having a blast watching and rooting for them. So there he is; no television...no radio...and I have both.

    At first he'd ask me, "What's going on??? I can hear yelling and cheering...tell me". So I thought I'd turn John Madden's sound off, so I couldn't hear it and tell Cappy what I saw going on, on the field. I'd really get into the game and start yelling, "OH!!!! He's got the ball!! He's GOT the ball and he's running down the field with it!!!"

   Cappy would yell back, "WHO's got the ball??"

   I'd be saying, "I can't see his number but he's ....OH NOOOO!!!!" 

   Cappy:"What?!? What happened?"

   Pegody: "I don't know, I'm trying to find out, he's laying on the ground all curled up in pain holding his leg, and now they are bringing out a stretcher". 

   Cappy: "WHO??? Our guy? One of ours?"

   Pegody: "Oh, they've gone to a commercial". OR. Pegody:"Oh, one of our guys is running down the field and they tackled him". 

   Cappy: "Where did they tackle him?" 

   Pegody:"On the field". 

   Cappy:"$#!+!!...WHERE on the field??" 

   Pegody:"Oh, I can't see his number, or the number on the ground where he fell down".         Cappy:"He fell down? I thought you said they tackled him." 

  Pegody: "Oh, they've gone to another commercial; no, they're back already and now they're gonna kick it".

   Cappy: "For a field goal??"

   Pegody:"No, it's for one of those long kicks".

   Cappy:"&*!!$%????!". 

   Pegody:"Okay...the Bengals are running with it, and now one of the Colts tackled him...yay!"     Cappy:"Peg....what is a COLT doing suited up and running onto the field to tackle anybody for...this is a game between the Saints and the Bengals". 

   So I tried to concentrate a little more to make the game a little more accurate for him. (Okay...concentrate on who is doing what and what the numbers are on the lines. Pegody:"Okay, there's the snap...one of our guys is running....Wow! He's really running...he's ahead of the pack....he's at the 20...the 30! the 40! the 50! the 55! the 60! Oh no!!! They tackled him at the 65 yard line". 

   At which point Cappy said, "Uh, Dear, I think I'm going to let my co-pilot take over, so I can go take a nap...I love you, Dear". 

   He didn't even want to hear the rest of the game, to see who won! I think I'll tell Cappy in the morning he can have ol' John back, or whoever it is now. 

   I'll tell him, "I just can't do it anymore; I drive you crazy".

   I didn't even watch the rest of the game, so I don't even know who won, so therefore, I'm going to quote good old John Madden, who apparently does a better job than I do, and he says, "Usually the team with the most points wins the game". 

 That's it, and there ya go.

Yeahhh...We Gotta Fix Dat.

 

Since our back door hasn't been locking well,I always set up a complicated booby-trap at night, stringing up mostly loud,noisy,"rattley" kitchen items, plus a broom to fly at their head in the dark to terrorize anyone who would deign to try to sneak into the kitchen while we are asleep, and also to wake us and da dawg up. It's probably not even necessary because we live in the tiniest house in the neighborhood surrounded by homes that would be more profitable to sneak into, any time of day or night. It's only because our bichons have actually chased people out of our dark yard at night...thank God they were with me while I was out there! I still get nightmares about it. As Cappy likes to say, "In today's brave new world, who knows what to expect anymore", and thus,nightly,I maniacally contrive my crazy "Rube Goldberg" "petard".

  This morning I forgot to undo the whole shebang.

  Presently,I'm in the computer room,adressing Christmas card envelopes while keeping BeauxBear with me to prevent him from making trouble with Cappy and the Spectrum cable guy, who is here because their tv service has been crazily "pixelating" since the hurricane.

  While absent-mindedly writing and shushing BeauxBear to make him be quiet, I could hear the men amicably chatting in the den, while trying to work out the problem with the TV, then they moved into the bedroom to check out "my" tv, which was having the same infuriating "pixelating" issue. 

  Apparently the man, who has been working many, many hours of overtime, trying to make hurricane damage cable repairs, sometimes until as late as 11 o'clock at night, as are his fellow crew-members--and he was having a bad day already, what with his truck not working,and then the next company truck he was relegated to try out, with the wrong equipment on board, fought with him tooth and nail to get here in this miserable "piece of truck", and all the while he was trying not to be late, and not looking forward to the prospect of his whole day looming over him with truck problems now in the mix. In spite of his aggravation, he sounded as though, by talking and joking with Cappy, that his nerves were calming down a little.

  Happily visiting, they moved along to the back side of the house and out the open window I could hear them begin talking more business-like; the Spectrum guy was explaining to Cappy, thus, "Now, ya see here, this line goes...". I kept mindlessly writing, enjoying the cool breeze.

  Suddenly, there came such a loud racket and horrible ruckus!...things crashing in several tones, like metal and clunking pans and Cappy's voice hollering and the Spectrum guy who had opened the door for Cappy,yelping!! 

  (...and me...I was in here nodding, "Oh no! I know what that was." I stayed put.)

   The guy gasped and whimpered, "Did I do that?"

   Cappy just shuffled on in, moving a path in the odds and ends with his foot, knowing just who...(in this case not a fancy "whom"), but who he is married to, said,"No..." and was about to go into detail, but the guy rushed off around the side of the house to his truck, exclaiming in a high, pinched voice that he had a full day ahead of him, slammed his "piece of truck" door and chugged it out of the neighborhood.

  Ahh, I think we'd better get that lock fixed. I don't want to get hoist in my own 'trap'...now I've got to go gather up my "ammunition" and get ready to reset it again tonight. 

  I "pity the fool". 

      ...Don't you?