8.26.2006

But I Don't Wannnna Be a Cowboy.

Well, now that I've been feeling better, I've tried to get back on track with everything again. Since finishing the den, I've been camping out in the computer-"slash"-guest room, having torn the bedroom apart in preparation for 'de-constructing' and remodeling in a style totally different from Cappy's den, which I love, but want something more light in color and open in feeling, if not in fact. (We live in what Cappy refers to as a 'shoebox'.) One of the first things I had to do was purchase storage racks and baskets for the clothes in the closet, because the closet is the first thing on the list to be torn apart. Cappy and I usually go together when we shop at the big home improvement stores, but him being out on the boat, I put on my big girl overalls with a tape measure hung on the pocket, list in hand, and swaggered across the parking lot like John Wayne. Too bad there weren't swinging doors; I coulda barged into the place like I owned it, doors flapping behind me. I was gonna look those guys dead in the eye and let 'em know I mean business, not let them double-talk me about pneumatic explosive nail drivers or double hung stud finders....none of that stuff. I pretty much knew what I was looking for, all I hadda do was find it. I mosied to the back of the store and found what I needed, but dang if I didn't come up short and needed to ask for help. A tough-lookin' gal in a red 'get-up' said she could help, but then called a guy to come answer my questions. I steeled myself. I pushed back my shoulders, stuck out my chin and waited. Waited some more. Waited some more. Relaxing a little, I looked around wondering where everybody went...did all the mens dive behind the bar when I strode through the front door with a chip on my shoulder? Just when I was about to give up, some 'dandy' pranced down the aisle toward me, all smiles. (I think they hone their timing til they see the customer begin to wilt and are more vulnerable...then they pounce.) I've gotta say he was pretty witty and entertaining, but he couldn't answer my questions, so he called another dude on the phone to come help me. As he was flitting away, he turned back and said in a mock provocotive tone, "...Ya know...I could hang around here with you and wait til the other guy shows up?" I musta taken off my tough guy exterior when I wasn't looking. I clinked my spurs together, stiffened my spine again and said, "No, but thanks for offering." Just then a deep voice said, "Well, I can hang around with you and wait til the other guy gets here, too." I turned and saw an older man sitting on one of those motorized scooters, leaning back on one arm, other arm extended over the steering wheel, as though it were a hot red convertible, complete with a 'hubba-hubba' backseat. I smiled and was about to joke that his shirt had lost a few buttons, but then decided it might embarrass him. I told him the same thing I had told the 'dandy'. He drove on. While I was muttering to myself that I'd probably be waiting forever on this next store helper, a man looking to be in his 50's strode around the corner and jokingly asked me what it was I was looking for anyhow. (anyhow??) And this man had his pale green shirt unbuttoned almost halfway down his front, exposing his hairy grey chest like the guy on the scooter.....oh WAIT...it was the 'scooter guy'... walking around. He said, "I reallly will wait around with you til the guy shows up." Suddenly I got the feeling that this was his 'supermarket'...his 'bar'....and he was a 'lounge lizard', cruising the back aisles of the hardware section looking for gullible females. Well, by that time I was totally disarmed and disoriented. I humored him a few minutes with chit-chat about remodeling, etc., then high-tailed it outa there with the shelves and baskets I had already found, unanswered questions flying in the breeze behind me, paid for my purchases and slinked back across the parking lot. Next time I'll up the ante; I'll go back as Arnold Schwarzenegger.


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