3.08.2008

HI-HO the MERRY-O, the Hammer in the DELL


I'm not a computer geek, that's for sure. My son, Joe is, but I hate to bother him all the time. I took enough psychology (elective) courses in college to know how to reason with people...human beings; at least most of them. I don't know what alien beings designed computer logic, but it sure aint logical...at least to this blonde-duh. The only way I'm maintaining my self-composure while trying to deal with unreasonable computer programs, is the fact that I'm not alone in this. I 'Googled' the problems I'm having,trying to edit videos, and learned that there are 'lotsa' people out there struggling with the same Adobe Premiere Elements 2.0 problems, or have just given up altogether. The fancy-shmancy 'timeline' I had been successfully using has somehow hidden itself, rendering the whole thing useless. I've tried everything but a crowbar to lure the elusive thing from out of the shadows, back into my clutches.
It didn't help when I also read that some smarty-pantsus, apparently nerds, can make the program do cartwheels, crawl on it's belly like a reptile and purr. Grrr. Have you ever?? Do you know what I mean??
I got out the instruction book and tried to read with understanding, doing what it said, as I read. There, on one page, was a picture of my missing timeline, as I had remembered it in real life, only a scant couple of weeks ago. Nowhere in this book did it tell how to relocate said timeline, nor how to breathe life back into it; but rather jauntily described how it pops up onto our computer screens every time the program turns on, and how easy it is to use. O sure it does; not. Sighhh.
Back in the cob-webbed recesses of my mind, I remembered seeing, on the computer screen, a tutorial which supposedly held the uninitiated user's hand and led them along, gingerly, through the maze of the program to the bright and shiney, colorful land of OZ, finishing with a completed, perfect video in hand and a beaming smile on one's face. Resignedly, I was ready to go back to square one with the humbled and open, willing mind of a tot, to be helped up, on and over the stumbling blocks, if it meant I could learn and keep what I learned, to use in my future projects. Uh huh. After about fifteen minutes and sixty tries, I finally found the tutorial. Staving off tears of, first, frustration, then tears of gratitude, that I had actually found it, ...I began. Closing my eyes, leaning back in my chair, taking a deep cleansing breath, I opened my eyes, renewed and with the anticipation of Indiana Jones, as he opened a seal on a newly discovered treasure, I clicked on the word, "Tutorial". There it was; an identical copy of the instruction book that I had wanted to tear apart with my teeth a few hours earlier!! I got the feeling that I was the butt of somebody, somewhere's joke, and I had no way to get even. Until I got calmed down, I had several fiendish notions, thinking, "Alright! Somebody's gonna pay for this!", but then realizing if I carried out my feel-good retaliation, I knew who'd be paying for this. And that's not why he's out on the boat working; to buy a new computer from another geek.
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